time
yesterday I made the ballroom dance team (just summer team, so it's nothing very prestigious or anything). this was the fifth time that I had tried out so I was very grateful that I made it. I had actually considered not trying out just because I was sick of being rejected, and I'm glad I changed my mind. we'll be performing near the end of the term. it should be fun.
my FHE group went and played at the park last night. it was really fun. first we had ice cream, and it was so hot that it melted right away. and then we played tag on the playground. some little kids who were there joined us so the whole playground was full of people playing tag and it was just fun to be able to act like a kid again. not that I can't do that other times, but most of the time I'm just too tired to run around and play. or there isn't anyone there who I'm comfortable with. or I've got other stuff I should be doing. but last night was perfect.
after FHE I went "out" with someone unexpected. he wanted to take me out for treats (I chose slurpees) to congratulate me for making team. so we did. we went and got slurpees and then we went for a walk. it felt a little odd, because past experience (especially with this person) dictates that you go on walks when the relationship is changing. granted, when it started out we just went on walks to spend time together... but the last walk we went on was when we broke up three weeks ago. and the walk before that was when he decided he needed time apart. so anyway, last night we talked about a lot of things but basically it sounded to me like he is still torn and could possibly want to date me again. I care a bushel about him but I don't know if that would be the best thing for me. and since I'm in such turmoil right now, I think I just need to chin up and move on, as my professor said. okay, so maybe turmoil is a stronger word than I wanted, but you get the idea. it might be healthiest for me to just get over it and find someone new. easier said and done since I thought marriage could be in our future, but definitely kinder to myself. then there would be no expectations and I could move on with my life. but the saddest thing is that he is someone I can just talk with for hours. and hours. and hours. and we never run out of things to talk about. I've never met someone like that before. and there are plenty of other reasons why I want us to be together but right is right and not right is not right and I guess you can't argue with the powers that be. so it sounds like my only option is to give it time.
my FHE group went and played at the park last night. it was really fun. first we had ice cream, and it was so hot that it melted right away. and then we played tag on the playground. some little kids who were there joined us so the whole playground was full of people playing tag and it was just fun to be able to act like a kid again. not that I can't do that other times, but most of the time I'm just too tired to run around and play. or there isn't anyone there who I'm comfortable with. or I've got other stuff I should be doing. but last night was perfect.
after FHE I went "out" with someone unexpected. he wanted to take me out for treats (I chose slurpees) to congratulate me for making team. so we did. we went and got slurpees and then we went for a walk. it felt a little odd, because past experience (especially with this person) dictates that you go on walks when the relationship is changing. granted, when it started out we just went on walks to spend time together... but the last walk we went on was when we broke up three weeks ago. and the walk before that was when he decided he needed time apart. so anyway, last night we talked about a lot of things but basically it sounded to me like he is still torn and could possibly want to date me again. I care a bushel about him but I don't know if that would be the best thing for me. and since I'm in such turmoil right now, I think I just need to chin up and move on, as my professor said. okay, so maybe turmoil is a stronger word than I wanted, but you get the idea. it might be healthiest for me to just get over it and find someone new. easier said and done since I thought marriage could be in our future, but definitely kinder to myself. then there would be no expectations and I could move on with my life. but the saddest thing is that he is someone I can just talk with for hours. and hours. and hours. and we never run out of things to talk about. I've never met someone like that before. and there are plenty of other reasons why I want us to be together but right is right and not right is not right and I guess you can't argue with the powers that be. so it sounds like my only option is to give it time.
posted by jm at 7:27 PM
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