it's easy to feel lonely when you're alone
I don't think it's possible to be sustained purely by a good attitude. It's true - without the basic structure of love for others and love for you from others, you can't stand. And this is all not for lack of trying. Things in my life are not perfect but I'm trying to work through my fears, my insecurities, my hard times and have a happy demeanor and usually I'm pretty successful with it. But inside it's so hard. And this isn't even because of my breakup. Well, maybe a little bit, but it's residual. He was my best friend and now he isn't, at least not on the same level, and I really don't have other friends that I can just go to if I need someone to hug me or to tell me that I'm awesome or beautiful or talented or whatever else. Not that I really expect that, but it's nice to know someone cares. And it feels so good when you get an unsolicited "you look really great today" or "you're the best, I'm glad I'm spending time with you."
I suppose I'm more of a mess than I thought... and I guess that "I'm a fragile tough girl" like Jo Davidson sings. Life does get messy and I know I'll make it but I really do need a friend whose shoulder I can just cry on. And if I'm not getting that from my parents, because they might as well be on the moon they're so far away, and I'm not getting it at my apartment, and I'm not getting it from my ward, then where am I supposed to go? I know I've got other friends, too, but I wish that they lived closer. As in - right HERE.
Enough of that. You know you're thinking too much about things when you start getting frustrated and depressed and you want to cry. Life really is good and I'm so glad to be where I am and learning the things that I am. I'm so glad that I've chosen my program and that I have a goal for the next few years.
I got a book from the library today that one of my professors had recommended. It's about money management. And I started reading it and I love it. It sounds really nerdy of me to be so excited about this book, but I am and I guess that's okay.
Lastly, dance is really interesting and starting to get obnoxious. Don't get me wrong; I still love dance. But my partner makes me uncomfortable because he always touches me and looks at me weird and it creeps me out. Eew.
Okay, done.
I suppose I'm more of a mess than I thought... and I guess that "I'm a fragile tough girl" like Jo Davidson sings. Life does get messy and I know I'll make it but I really do need a friend whose shoulder I can just cry on. And if I'm not getting that from my parents, because they might as well be on the moon they're so far away, and I'm not getting it at my apartment, and I'm not getting it from my ward, then where am I supposed to go? I know I've got other friends, too, but I wish that they lived closer. As in - right HERE.
Enough of that. You know you're thinking too much about things when you start getting frustrated and depressed and you want to cry. Life really is good and I'm so glad to be where I am and learning the things that I am. I'm so glad that I've chosen my program and that I have a goal for the next few years.
I got a book from the library today that one of my professors had recommended. It's about money management. And I started reading it and I love it. It sounds really nerdy of me to be so excited about this book, but I am and I guess that's okay.
Lastly, dance is really interesting and starting to get obnoxious. Don't get me wrong; I still love dance. But my partner makes me uncomfortable because he always touches me and looks at me weird and it creeps me out. Eew.
Okay, done.
posted by jm at 9:04 PM
2 Comments:
If you think you don't have anyone who would hug you or who cares about you...uh, hello, what am I, a walrus? Talk to me if you need a friend girl! I'm always here!
Jules you are great. I have always looked up to you. You are so fun to be with. Things will work out how the Lord wants them to work out. Just hang in there.
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