goals

Thanks to whoever left me that note. That was exceedingly kind of you and I probably didn't deserve it. I'm not even kidding, either. I really appreciate your assurance. The biggest issue for me right now is not knowing what I want or how to get there. I just don't. When life takes unexpected turns it kind of throws me off. It always has. I used to cry when that happened. Now I know that that's silly, and that I just need to go with the flow.

But the thing is, these unexpected turns can mean bad things or good things - doors closing or doors opening. Just unexpected change. And that's kind of what happened this time. Good things, but they still were unexpected. And I still just didn't know what to do.

Life makes me happy, generally. I'm so grateful for what I have and the experiences I've been able to have throughout my life.

I don't think I should have gotten into BYU. My grades in high school weren't stellar, for sure. My ACT was average. But I suppose Heavenly Father knows more than the rest of us and He knew that there wasn't anywhere else I was supposed to be. I still don't really know the reason, but it was right and someday I'll know why I'm here.

Dance. I've never been a great dancer and yet this is something I am continually succeeding in. I am floored time and again by the scores I receive with very little outside-of-class effort and I wonder what would happen if I actually spent time on it. I guess that's what I want to do this summer. Throw myself into dance. Get "ahead." Work hard and succeed. Prepare to make team in the Fall. Dance some more.

I was at the grocery store not too long ago and I was having the hardest day I've had in a long time. I don't really remember what specifically was weighing on my mind. I have a couple of guesses, but for now let's not worry about it. Anyway, so I was kind of stressed because I was late for something and not very happy to begin with and I was at the check-out line and the girl who was checking groceries looked at me and said, "You are such a cute girl." And that was all. It wasn't anything big but it definitely made my day. So I decided to make hers. When I got home I called the store and told them that she had been a great help to me and very friendly. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. But honestly, I really felt like someone was looking after me and that was a good feeling. Additionally, it was a shining example of compassion for someone that you don't know.

When I'm thinking about it, I usually wish that I could just throw my arms around the whole world and show them that Heavenly Father loves each member of this global family. I know that sounds so impossible, but He really does and I wish that I could help everyone, especially those who really need that reassurance, to understand. Even more close to home, I wish I was better about showing those around me that I care about them. I've realized that I'm kind of "inward" about my feelings - especially the positive ones - and that probably isn't very good.

So, my new resolution is... (drumroll, please)... to focus more on noticing, being aware, and choosing a course of action that will benefit those around me more than myself. For sure I need to love myself and nurture my own well-being, but I do need to center my life in service so that I can become more Christlike. That's my ultimate goal.