reflections

so... death is an interesting thing, wouldn't you say? My great-aunt passed away early last monday morning and although I knew it was coming, it was still kind of a shock. she has always been so kind to me and I know she will be missed. her funeral was today. I wasn't able to go because of stupid school but it was okay. my mom went and she said it was really nice, which is I guess everything that we could hope for. Aunt Helen was a wonderful woman.

I've been thinking about death a lot lately though, and it really is a surreal experience to have someone pass away. I mean, you know someone your whole life and then suddenly they're gone and you're not going to see them for a while. and that's if you believe in life after death. not everyone does, so when people die for them it's even that much more sad. I can't imagine.

my grandma (my mom's mom) passed away before my mom had even met my dad. thus, I've never met the woman - but the more I learn about her the more I love her and can't wait to meet her. I imagine my mom and my aunts are a lot like her. but anyway, my mom was 21 when her mom died. I'm 19. I can't imagine my mom being gone. there's so much out there that I need my mom for. it makes me want to cry to think that my mom was alone (well, not alone... but without her own mom) when she met my dad, when she chose her wedding dress, when she got ready to have her first baby, and second, and third, and so on... my mom is such an amazing woman and I hope to be half the person she is someday. she is so patient and loving and kind. I hope someday I can be as great as her. I really miss her, as much as I love being on my own. I remember that every time I see her.