you've got to be kidding me

Life takes some funny turns, doesn't it?

Like this... one day you like someone and then the next it's just not there. I'm not saying this really happened to me. In fact, quite the opposite. I was interested in someone and then things just didn't work out quite the way I had expected. He's interested in someone else and I'm okay with that. It just feels a bit strange because it all just changed, out of the blue. To the absolute last thing that I would have expected. I first noticed that I could be interested in this guy shortly after meeting him in August or September and never did anything about it because I was too afraid. And then I finally did, two or three weeks ago. And it went up in flames. Just last night at 1:00 or so.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe it's easier/better to not say anything at all.

Meanwhile, I met this other guy. He's cool. I haven't really decided about him yet. We've been out twice and we're going out a third time this weekend. I think I was kind of waiting to make up my mind until I knew more about the other guy... and he made up his mind and didn't choose me... so now I can do whatever I want. Except the thing is, I don't know what that is. It's such a weird feeling when you are interested in someone for so long and then there's nothing. Absolutely nothing.

After I told her today about what happened last night, my mom told me that the guy I want is someone who is crazy about me. And I believe her, but the thing is... I don't know. I'm just disappointed I guess. I think the hardest thing for me to take about this is that I'm pretty sure it was an answer to prayers and it's not the answer I wanted. I guess I need to be more faithful or something.

After I found out about all of this, I had the worst insomnia I have ever experienced. I don't think it's because of all of this, but I do think that this may have contributed. I could not fall asleep until about 5:00 this morning. I only slept for half an hour and then I woke up. I decided to work on some homework and I got sleepy again at about 6:00 and slept for another half hour and woke up. Then I did more homework, went to class, and came home to try and get some sleep in my two-hour break this morning. No such luck. It took me 20 minutes to fall asleep for about 15. I rested for a while, just laying on the couch... it felt good and I was surprisingly not tired at all. I didn't feel very good though, I had one of those headaches that only go away when you sleep it off. I called in sick at work and went home after class and hung around doing stuff that usually makes me tired. I got some stuff done, though... I filled out my tax forms, and I talked to a friend, and started organizing my thoughts for all my errands tomorrow. I finally felt tired around 4:00 this afternoon and slept for an hour.

I went to Mike's basketball game this evening. I love intramural sports; I've found that it's so fun to watch because you know the people who are playing. Or at least one. It was fun to be there supporting my fhebro and everything. He's a really good friend and I wish I would have gotten to know him sooner. It's a good thing I'll be in the ward again next year.

Dinner group is so fun, too. I love my friends from dinner group because they're so funny. I feel like I laugh the whole time. I'll be sad when it's all over.

I think that's all for now.

- - -

two points for honesty - guster

if that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
you've dreamed a thousand dreams
none seem to stick in your mind
two points for honesty
it must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all

i want to be where I've never been before
i want to be there and then i'd understand
know i'm right and do it right, could I get to be like that
I'll know what I don't know with nothin more to gain
will I get better or stay the same
I find I always move too slowly
can't lift a finger, can't change my mind
I never knew till someone told me that...

if that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
you've dreamed a thousand dreams
none seem to stick in your mind
two points for honesty
it must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all

and all the people who've seen it all before
and all the people who already understand
know they're right, have done it right, could I get to be like that
i'll know what I don't know, it's harder every day
can't lift a finger, can't hurt a fly
i've found I always move too slowly
one thing's for certain, I'm insecure
I never knew till someone told me that...

if that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
you've dreamed a thousand dreams
none seem to stick in your mind
two points for honesty
it must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all
nobody cares at all
they never care at all